Let’s Talk…Body Image

Let’s Talk…Body Image

Sunday, March 28, 2021

An honest chat about weight fluctuation, the impact of social media, losing control and some home truths.
*Trigger Warning* This blog post contains references to weight loss, calories, body dysmorphia and everything in between. I have decided to open up about my experiences with the above so that other girls (or boys!) can hopefully relate to this, with the hope that it may even help some people. If you are affected or triggered by such references, please do not read this post as I will be going into quite a bit of detail.
 
On a more light-hearted note, this post is a long ol’ one so grab a cuppa, or a G&T and get comfy…
 
Over the past year, whilst there’s not been a lot going on in life, there has most definitely been a lot going on in my head. In particular, I (and I’m sure many others) have really felt a strain on my mental health as a result of copious lockdowns and from that I’ve found that issues with my body image have manifested, which is something that I’ve only recently come to fully understand. I wanted to share and discuss all things body image because after talking to some of the lovely ladies in my life about this, I feel that I am not alone and it is slowly but surely becoming a collective problem. Not good vibes luvs…
 
Let’s Start From The Top…
To give this post a bit of context, I thought a good place to start would be to get you clued up on all things ‘me’. Crossing my fingers and toes that nobody reads this and thinks ‘Christ, ‘pick me’ attitude ALERT’…I think when talking about a topic like body image, it can be really reassuring to hear other people’s stories, not just to give the post a bit of perspective, but also just in case any of the girlypops out there can relate. Of course, please do bear in mind that everyone is different, and actually something my bestest friend drums into me is that even if we all ate the same and did the same amount of exercise, our bodies would still look different. 
 
As a child growing up, I was always very skinny and scrawny, and my bones were very pokey and stickey-outy…you get the picture. I only really gained weight and filled out a bit when I was around 16, and even then, it was questionable as to whether the two little lumps of fat on my chest really qualified as boobs. I must’ve been blessed with a very fast metabolism because I would give your typical gym lad in bulking season a run for his money with the number of calories I would get through. When I was in college, I continued to eat so much sh*t…takeaways, desserts, choc, you name it- I would be eating it and even better for me, I would still be slim. Winner…. 
 
And I do hold my hands up, I didn’t really do any exercise- I was up on my feet a lot, but exercise was virtually non-existent and I genuinely never really thought about it either. You could say I was blissfully unaware. Because of this, I would probably pinpoint this time as when I had the best relationship with my body- I wasn’t unhappy with it by any means, I didn’t really think about it too much which is definitely a state of mind I envy now. 
 
Over the first lockdown, I began working from home which was a big lifestyle change. It meant that I was sat down pretty much all day and as I was working pretty much full-time, I did enjoy a cheeky snack or five. Biscuits and tea all day every day. I was also definitely eligible for a Guinness World Record in gin consumption. Whilst this was bloody lovely, after a few weeks of minimal exercise and maximum eating, I did gain weight. Don’t get me wrong, I was by no means close to being overweight, but I did go up a dress size and started feel a bit chubbier in places where I hadn’t been before. This left me feeling not so great about myself and I really started to dislike my body. I definitely didn’t need to feel this way but with all things lockdown thrown into the mix, I found it to be a tricky time.
 
From realising that, I gradually began to cut out all of the snacks and anything that I knew was super unhealthy. I stuck to having 3 good meals a day and in a sense I’m quite lucky that I’m a fussy eater; I tend to eat a lot of the same meals, so I was able to maintain consistency in what I was doing. I began walking more and was gradually able to increase the distance. Big thank you to all of the girlypops I’ve dragged out for a walk come rain or shine. For those of you who want to get into walking, I found that doing so with a friend to begin with made it so much more enjoyable…bringing out a coffee, wearing a cute outfit, exploring new places…I just luv it.
 
Now I’m able to walk a lot more often (and further!) by myself- building a walk into my daily routine has been so beneficial on a physical and mental level. It makes me feel good to get those steps in but is also a good time to catch up on podcasts (The Girl’s Bathroom…get on it), listen to choons and have a general ponder about all things life.
 
In September I joined the gym again, which on top of eating better, helped me to build regular exercise into my routine and at the time, I felt very healthy and happy with myself. However, as the weeks and them months progressed, I found myself pushing myself harder and harder. Initially, this felt great but actually it meant that I was a left with a bit of a guilt complex, whereby I felt guilty when I didn’t go the gym or didn’t hit a calorie target on the treadmill.
 
As we went into the second lockdown, I began to grow increasingly worried about all things weight, calorie intake, calories burned etc. On this, I was really debating how honest to get in discussing myself and my own relationship with food; I’m a bit of an over-sharer, but I am also conscious of the impact my words could have on others. With this in mind, between now and then, I’ve really worked on my relationship with food. It isn’t perfect by any means, but it is definitely a lot better. 
 
I found that after struggling with this topic over the past year, there is SO much I could say about it and I felt that it was a good one to address as I’m by no means the only girly in this situation. Crossing my fingers, toes and whatever else I can that there is something useful in here for everyone, even if it’s just increased awareness. I say ‘just’ increased awareness, but actually that’s quite an incredible thing in itself and more than just a step in the right direction.
 
Things I Wish Somebody Had Told Me….(Hence why I’m telling you)
1.     Something nobody really told me is that when you lose weight more often than not, your boobs disappear off the face of the planet. I was never particularly blessed in the boob department, but I sometimes sit and question whether I am a 19-year-old woman in the body of a 12-year-old boy. Boobs…where are you luvs? Google has definitely noticed an increase in ‘boob job’ searches from me but what you do…time are tough and there’s a credit crunch on, Stace. If you don’t get that reference, quite simply get out luv. 
2.     WARNING- This next one might sting… Nobody ever talks about how you can literally starve yourself silly and still not end up looking how you want to. I definitely learnt this one the hard way, which I’m going to turn into a good thing, because at least it means that you don’t have to. I went through a very sad time of really restricting myself with everything I ate and being very frustrated because whilst I was losing weight, I still didn’t have the body that I wanted in mind…and this is because very simply, my body is not built that way…and that is okay. I tend to hold most of my fat around my thighs which therefore means, no matter how little I eat, I am never going to have stick thin thighs, which may sound obvious to you, but I didn’t believe it until I saw myself lose weight everywhere else but on my thighs. And then when I did lose weight on my thighs, I ended up hating the rest of my body because I was too thin. It’s a dangerous game and equally a losing battle. Being aware of the body type I have and specifically looking towards women like this on social media has really changed the game for me. I don’t think we’ll ever fully stop scrolling, but we can definitely control what we’re scrolling through and being conscious about who and what we’re looking up to can advertently have an impact on the relationships we hold with ourselves. Whilst I would love to not feel a giant at 5 foot 7, looking at girls who are 5 foot 2 isn’t going to make me any shorter. BRB whilst my heart breaks….joking. 
3.     Weight loss goals are seen as being synonymous to the gold at the end of the rainbow. But nobody ever talks about what happens when you find the gold, when you run off into the sunset…nobody talks about what happens after the happily ever after. And that’s because there isn’t one. You don’t just hit a number on the scales and all of a sudden…whoosh, all of your insecurities disappear. Because actually, once you get into the habit of picking out things you don’t like about yourself, it’s very hard to break. Dieting is extremely addictive and it is unbelievably easy to get ‘hooked’ on the idea of cutting down your calories until all of sudden you’re seeing how far you can push it until something goes wrong…let’s stop right there. It is far too easy to lose control. When do you stop?
4.     If your Tiktok FYP is saturated in ‘what I eat in a day’, ‘how I lost weight’, ‘how to be in a calorie deficit’…you know the vibe…then quite simply, Tiktok is ruining your life. Naturally you will sit and compare yourself to the people you watch and that, combined with hours of scrolling, is a recipe for disaster luvs. Something I would really urge you to do is stop scrolling…and on the topic of social media, stop looking for images you know will trigger you. Only you know if what you’re exposed to is hindering or harming your progress, and you might not be ready to admit if it is, and that’s okay too. Give the ‘not interested’ button a go and watch it change your life.
 
Wanna Yo-Yo On The Scales? Weight Fluctuation...
Once again, I took something too far…shocker. That is something you’ll learn about me- I’m either on something like a rash or completely disinterested, done, finite. Moderation isn’t in my vocab. Doing everything in extremes though? Heeeelllloooooo….
 
If I could give you one piece of advice…stop looking at the number on the scales.
 
If that’s caught you too late, don’t stress luvs, I’ve still got you covered.
 
It is SO important to remember that your weight can be impacted by so many different factors so please, take whatever that number is on the scales with a large pinch of salt and then some.
 
When I’m on my period, not only am I incredibly bloated (I would give a pregnant lady a run for her tummy money), but I also hold more water weight and therefore I naturally weigh more during this ungodly time of the month. Feeling like I weigh about 10 tonnes goes hand in hand with that…welcome to the world of period pain. It is normal to feel a bit more squishy and jiggly during your time of the month. It is also normal to feel hungry around this time and therefore it is completely normal to eat more.
 
You naturally gain weight throughout the day due to your liquid and food consumption. You can also eat the same amount of food every day and still weigh differently on each day. My weight’s gone up and down by the kilograms, despite not eating or exercising any differently. 
 
Where it’s a sensitive topic, tracking your weight isn’t something I’d want to necessarily recommend, but for some people I know it can be really beneficial, especially if you’re having a lifestyle overhaul or just wanting to shift or gain a few pounds. What I would recommend is having a set day and even more importantly, time, where you choose to step on the scales. However, if weighing in isn’t your thing, as it’s definitely not mine, just seeing how clothes fit you can also be a great way to track your progress. Whilst clothing sizes (annoyingly) are still incredibly varied across and within different brands, using items you already have and are familiar with in your wardrobe work a treat and can make for some great before and after piccies if that’s what you’re going for…
 
A Lil’ Message From Me to You…
From the bottom of my heart, I hope that you learn to let go of the opinion of other people who don’t add value to your life, or the idea that in order to be successful or attractive, that you must look a certain way.
 
There is no set way you need to look, or a set size that you need to be; being ‘attractive’ is subjective and a social construct and that actually there are a million and one different ways you can be seen as attractive. And that something you hate about yourself is something that somebody else wishes they had. 
 
On that note in particular...being ‘attractive’ is great but in the grand scheme of the world and your life and the universe, it actually means nothing. How you look really has no relevance to anything meaningful at all. That isn’t to say that it’s a bad thing to care about your appearance- I certainly do and really enjoy the process of getting ready…more just that your appearance is one small part of who you are and as hard as it can be, and I’m definitely guilty of this, it’s not worth stressing about or losing sleep over.
 
Something that really helped me to let go of such worries was to sit back and think…when you walk past someone in a shop, chat to your colleague at work, glance around a pub…how much are you really looking at their appearance? You don’t. You may think they have a nice smile or a good outfit, but how often would we ever sit there and make judgements about how somebody looks? Sometimes it can be really helpful to seek perspective just from seeing things from the other person’s POV.
 
Happiness looks and feels different to every person and each person has a different idea of what it means to feel alive. There is no correct way to be. Comparison is the thief of all joy. I hope you learn to let go of the parts of you that make you feel small or unworthy. I hope you feel able to be completely and unapologetically yourself without being tainted by the opinions of others.
 
The relationship you hold with yourself inadvertently affects each and every single thing you do. It is also the one relationship that remains a constant throughout your whole life. If you don’t have a good relationship with yourself, that will have an impact on everything around you. Ladies, if you’re going to throw yourselves into a relationship and embark on a journey of ‘fixing’ and ‘changing’, at least let it be for the one you hold with yourself. 

Let’s Talk...Lockdown

Let’s Talk...Lockdown

Sunday, March 21, 2021

All things working from home, TikTok, lots of walking & time to reflect.

The 1 Metre Commute….

My desk and I over the past year have got to know each other quite well and it is a love-hate relationship. Something I’ve actually tried to do is make my desk a more inviting space by having lots of things around it that make me happy- I have lots of photos of happy times with my favourite people as well as my record player, as I just think there’s something really nice about ploughing through some admin work with a record on in the background. Being the nosey bugger I am, my desk is by the window allowing me to people watch to my heart’s content + the lighting it pretty great. Call me extra, but I do also have a ring light by my desk for allll of those Teams meetings- it is criminal the lengths I’ll go to, but when I say that Facetime camera does not do me justice…

Something I’m quite conscious of whilst working from home is the amount of time I spend sat at my desk. And on that topic, good posture….who is she? Therefore, come rain or shine, I make sure I get out on a walk every single day- get those steps in luv. I normally walk on my lunch break as opposed to when I finish work, largely due to the fact that, as mentioned on my previous post, broad daylight is definitely when I feel safest as a girl going about her daily walk and it just means I can have my airpods in without having to worry about mysterious men running up behind me…winner. I also use it as a time to chat to my friend on the phone or listen to a podcast; my favourite is definitely ‘The Girls Bathroom’, if you don’t know, get to know. On the topic of all things exercise, I’ve managed to get myself into a bit of a workout routine now *pat on the back*. We’ll ignore the fact it did take me 3 lockdowns to do so, but in addition to my daily walks, I do also enjoy doing an ab workout or some yoga in the evening. Hot girl summer, I can coming for you in full force. Magaluf will not know what’s hit it, Boris permitting.

Over lockdown, I’ve really become a coffee drinker, as long as nobody mentions ‘caffeine’ and ‘addiction’ in the same sentence, we’re all good to go, full steam ahead. I do start my day with a coffee, so you could say I am dependent on caffeine, but I am going to turn a blind eye as quite frankly I’m not ready to hear it. My favourite coffee syrups are the Skinny Food Company ‘Zero Calorie’ syrups. Until recently, I was always a salted caramel kinda gal but trust me when I say this, I’m about to put you onto something….hazelnut syrup. It’s like Nutella but in a coffee without adding any calories, so definitely a win-win. I have almond milk in my coffee- 1. Because it tastes nicer and 2. Because it makes me feel like I’m doing something good for the planet through making better consumption choices. I’m in no way vegan or vegetarian but I do happen to think that even switching up the milk in my coffee is better than nothing. Plus going to Asda and buying almond milk to show that I’m different *insert sparkly emojis* does give me main character vibes and I will happily drown in those.

Trade Secrets to WFH…

I’m by no means an expert when it comes to WFH, but after doing it for coming up to a year, I have dabbled in learning the odd thing or two that makes your day run that little bit more smoothly.

1.     As much as I love mooching about in my joggers and hoodies, I’ve found that actually getting ready and putting on ‘proper’ clothes and putting good effort into my hair & makeup, as if I was actually going to work, really helps and puts me in a productive state of mind. I’m not going to pretend I do this everyday as I absolutely CBA sometimes, but I do notice a wee difference on the days I do make the effort.

2.     With the number of hours I spend staring at the screen, I am thoroughly shocked and surprised my eyes are not square. In all seriousness though, I’ve noticed a massive increase in my screen time- my eyes nearly fell out my head one evening when I did hit the 13-hour mark. No, I am not proud of myself, and I do not think I am big or clever. On my days off, I do try and avoid going on my phone to compensate a little bit- not sure how effective doing so is, but it’s definitely something to think about.

3.     Spicing up your routine definitely breaks up the monotony of every day being….well, boring AF and exactly the same as the day before. Building in things I enjoy into my routine has also been beneficial. For example, in the mornings, I love to be a lazy cow and sit in bed for around an hour with a coffee or three, just watching TV. Chilled vibes luv. 

4.     Fake tan makes EVERYTHING better. Whenever I’m feeling a bit shit, whacking on some St.Moriz always does the trick. I just don’t like being pale, I don’t see the appeal of it and looking in the mirror and seeing a pasty white reflection just doesn’t do it for me. I know I’m not going anywhere, I know nobody will see me but it just makes me feel a bit more human. Don’t knock it till you try it. 

Tiktok…Love It Or Hate It

I bloody love Tiktok as much as the next person but recently that ‘For You Page’ has really made me question what I want to see ‘for me’. I’ve been making a really conscious effort to tap the sh*t out of the ‘Not Interested’ button as I noticed that some of the videos that were coming through were actually promoting really toxic habits, and after speaking to some friends about it, I realised I wasn’t the only one feeling that way. Whilst I’m all for women supporting women, and women going about their day and absolutely smashing their goals, I can’t help but wonder if ‘What I Eat in a Day’ videos where someone is consuming only 1000 calories a day, is all that healthy. And after getting about 10 of those popping up a day, I found that I was constantly thinking about food and comparing my intake to that of other girls which I’ve now realised is really bad and I’m glad I noticed it when I did. General reminder for all the girlypops that you are entitled to eat whatever you like- if you want a cheeky takeaway, do it, and if you want to eat clean and get those 5 a day in, be my guest- whatever makes you feel good. On the flip side, alongside all of the Gemma Collins’ reactions and baked oats recipes, I have been LOVING the ‘What I Wore Today’ videos and all of the Fiat 500 slander. 

A New ‘Normal’

With the world opening back up again, it’s so nice to have things to look forward to as it definitely keeps the momentum going. The first lockdown was definitely the hardest with regards to this, as there was no clear end in sight and as a result, I really struggled, as I’m sure a lot of others did too. With the last two lockdowns, I’ve really been trying to….and hear me out, enjoy them. When I say ‘enjoy’, I do not by any stretch of the word mean that I am having a great time and that all is hunky dory…absolutely NOT. What I do mean is trying to enjoy the lockdowns for what they are and trying to relish on all of that extra time to do things that I may never get to do again. I’ve watched more Netflix than ever before, really delved into the world of podcasts, listened to soooooo many albums and I don’t think my room has ever been this tidy. Whilst none of that is a true 10/10 experience for a 19-year old, I’m never going to have time like this again so I’ve really been trying to make the most. Don’t get me wrong though, I cannot wait to get out and drink myself silly in martinis. 

With the hustle and bustle of life pre-pandemic, I never really set out proper time just for me, whether that be for self-care or just to sit and do things I enjoy. Long gone are those days... Something I will 100 percent be taking forward post-pandemic is just taking the time to ensure I am primped and preened- all I can say is that Boots better be stocked up on their fake tan. I should probably also get out of the habit of buying a new outfit for each occasion coming up, but quite frankly there are more pressing issues so let’s slide that one under the rug. The world is my fashion show and you’re all just in the front row watching…joking, of course. 

A Book That Changed My Life As A Woman

A Book That Changed My Life As A Woman

Sunday, March 14, 2021

 A discussion on learning to say NO, the male gaze, people-pleasing and what really matters.

In light of the tragic events surrounding the death of Sarah Everard, I, like many others, have found myself reflecting on my position in society as a woman, and the material that has shaped me in becoming the woman I am today. In doing so, I found all of my reflections largely stemmed from one thing…. 

I would not be the woman I am today without this book and I don’t say that with a light heart.

Written by the goddess herself, Florence Given’s ‘Women Don’t Owe You Pretty’ is, as far as I’m concerned, easily placed on a pedestal with the Bible, no blasphemy intended. I purchased this in Urban Outfitters when I was 18 after years of following Florence’s Instagram page and being in absolute awe of the beauty, but also the significance, of the messages and quotes that make up her feed. I definitely couldn’t have discovered this at a better point in my life, after such a whirlwind year and a rollercoaster of emotions and experiences, I finally took the plunge in an attempt to re-evaluate who I really was and equally, what I wanted to get out of my life- it prompted the wake-up call I needed.

The first chapter is literally cited as ‘Feminism Is Going To Ruin Your Life’ and I’ll tell you for free, once you have read this book, you will not be able to take those goggles off. Don’t be fooled by the gorgeous aesthetic, this book is hard-hitting and if you don’t feel at all uncomfortable when reading it, you’re doing it WRONG. Go back and read it again and I mean really read it- take it all in. 

Three Lessons Florence Given Has Taught Me:

First and foremost- let’s talk about this elephant in the room…

Eventually, you will be miserable if you spend your whole entire life doing things that please other people. I can’t count the number of times I lost pieces of my personality in relationships and friendships and you know what, I’m not really about that. 

I am determined to make a very happy life for myself- I will dance around my room listening to my ABBA records (side-note: you’re bad vibes if you dislike ABBA), I will purchase bright orange silky trousers purely because I’ve not seen anyone else wear them and I WILL wear Doc Marten platform boots on a night out because fuck heels, honestly. 

There was a long period when I didn’t make time for the things that I loved and enjoyed, and guess what…the only person who ended up missing out was me. Like seriously, why did I do that. 

Life is far too short to not take every single chance you have, even if that means walking over a bridge just because it looks fun or sitting on a bench because as benches go, it looks pretty groovy. Make sure that every-day you do not go to bed with the slightest trace of an ‘I wish’ in your head.

 Stop replying to the people you don’t like. Stop making time for people who don’t add any value to your life. Wear whatever you want and bloody own it girlies (+ boys if you’re reading). Don’t compromise your standards with the people you allow into your life, just because your mates think they’re a decent person. I could go on and on but I don’t want to bombard you with a novel on a Sunday evening, so will try & keep it short and sweet.  

Numero 2- Relationships shouldn’t matter but let’s be honest, it’s something we all think about…

15 lines was all it took to completely transform my entire view of relationships and love.  

Being single is NOT a tragic state of existence; it is, in fact, a choice…your choice. It took me longer than it should have to embrace that, but I can confirm that once you vibe it and really, really dig on it *cheeky TikTok reference*, you set yourself up the thrive. I have never felt more myself than I have in the past few weeks. 6 months ago, writing this and actually putting it out there for people I know to see would have completely terrified me. I would’ve cared if people thought I was weird for doing so. Imagine that- I am embarrassed to say I cared that much what people thought to say the least… 

 As women, we’re compelled to dress for men, act in ways that please the male gaze and if we’re single, to constantly be on the lookout for our next relationship. I just want to take a moment to say FUCK THAT, loud and proud.  

Your value and worth as a woman has absolutely nothing to do with your love life. In fact, I have made a conscious effort when having conversations with friends to stop asking how their relationships are going or if they’re eyeing anyone up because actually what relevance does it have to anything meaningful or significant? Of course, if they mention that to me or need some advice, I’m not going to walk off in the opposite direction- I just don’t want those conversations to stem from anything I’ve said because quite frankly, there is so much more out there to talk about…

I have blitzed my TikTok FYP and completely rinsed the ‘not interested’ button so that I have completely obliterated it of any relationship, love and boy-related videos- it’s a big no thank you from me & would highly recommend doing so for others. I am however still here for all of the Gemma Collins reactions and Joe from the Test and Trace videos as in my opinion, that definitely adds a bit of spice and value to my life.

Last but not least- Nice Guys? Yeah right…

Too many things have been normalised and that doesn’t mean they’re normal. For instance:

1. I should not experience fear on a walk by myself in broad daylight, or when a man is walking behind me or driving past me.

2. Men in their work vans blasting Kisstory have no business slowing down to drive past me, honking their horns, waving or jeering at me.

3.     I should not have to phone my friend because there is a mysterious man following me on my walk.
4.     Unsolicited dick pics.
5.     The guys who stroke your legs and put their arm around you in a bar on a night out…did I ask?????

As a society, we have accepted these and many more as common instances. Everyone and their dog can name a girl who can relate to one, if not all of what I have listed above.

Why? Why are we normalising discomfort, anxiety, powerlessness and fear in the male presence? Nobody deserves to feel unsafe in their own body. And strangely enough, ‘the boys’ who are being very vocal about ‘not all men’ are the same ones we saw in bars last summer moving like predators.

 Every single boy I’ve met who’s called himself a ‘nice guy’, funnily enough, hasn’t actually been that nice. How bizarre. (On a real one girlies- if you’re talking to a boy who says he’s a ‘nice guy’, grab your things and run, leave the country, do what you have to do…) I am by no means saying that all men are awful and that their entire race must be eradicated. No sir. I am saying that there far too many men who are remaining silent regarding the abundance of women coming forward about their experiences of assault, harassment and times where a male has made them feel unsafe. Men, if you are tired of hearing ‘all men’, change it. 

 I think if there’s something we can collectively take from the events of the last week is that we must be vocal. Change isn’t comfortable, but neither is feeling unsafe on a walk by yourself and it’s clear to me which one is worthier of discomfort.